Day Seventeen: Love Games

Superman’s fist landed hard against the suit, and much to Lex’s satisfaction, bounced off and sent him flying backwards, hitting the wall with an echoing thud.

“What the hell is that material, Luthor?” Superman seethed, scrambling to his feet and marching toward him again. Lex suppressed a snicker at the expression on the alien’s face. He was making his ‘you have pissed me off, now see me when I’m *really* trying to kick your ass face.’

The curl on his forehead tended to dampen the intimidation factor.

Fortunately, Lex was prepared for this eventuality. He flicked on the little power base in the left glove of the magna-suit and it glowed bright green, suffusing LexCorp’s roof with the unhealthy light.

“Oh, son of a--” Clark moaned, his knees giving way; feet skidding as he tried to move further from Lex on the floor. Lex smiled, gliding toward him slowly, slowly, saying: “Hmm. I made modifications when you revamped the material for your costume, when you made it more resistant to the Kryptonite than before. It’s immensely gratifying to know that my first attempt worked so nicely.” He knelt down swiftly, ignoring Superman’s choked, muffled scream of agony. His metal-clad fingers swept the hideous curl off his green-tainted, panting face.

“You have no idea how much that thing bugs me.” Lex said conversationally. “Now, now. What am I going to do with you?” He whispered, leaning in closer purposefully, smiling at the sob wrenched from the Kryptonian’s throat.

“I think--” Lex started slowly, savoring the words, “that we’re going to have to--”

Then the roof caved in upon itself, or it seemed to, and Lex’s feet were wrenched from the floor as he slid toward the epicenter helplessly. He heard a massive body, Superman, tumbling behind him and Lex looked around wildly, trying to find anything he might use the suit’s whip thin cords to grab onto. There! Yes, a part of the tower was holding; it should work. Pressing his fingers along the belt swiftly, he was startled when Superman slid faster along the floor, promptly disappearing into the hole.

“Well, fuck.” Lex whispered into the screeching winds, as he let his fingers drop from the belt, sliding across the floor after him.

***

He woke up cold, clammy, and in a soft chair. It felt like a beanbag chair, or a sobakawa pillow. He struggled to get up, noticing the harsh pink and angry red spots along his body where the suit appeared to have been removed. He flopped onto the floor, breathing heavily as he took in his surroundings.

Round, brilliant lights along the walls, five on each side. A bright panel that Lex suspected was a two-way mirror instantly, and Superman, naked, snoozing on another one of the chairs. Lex looked away for a second, trying to focus on the wall, but his gaze soon slid back.

He’d probably need the bastard awake and coherent. He squatted next to the chair and slapped at his hand, once, twice. Superman groaned and tried to pull the beanbag over him, like it was a blanket.

“I’ll get up in a few minutes, honey.” He muttered.

Lex narrowed his eyes. Okay. Okay, he thought he’d been doing pretty well up until now. His brilliant plant foiled by some—some *hole* sucking the two of them into the roof of his penthouse, and waking up on a plushy beanbag, naked, no trace of his sixteen million dollar suit in sight, only to be greeted with the image of Superman sprawled out naked.

He’d been doing pretty well, all things considered, but this was absolutely the last straw. “I’m not Lois, Clark.” He enunciated the last word, relishing how it seemed to echo and still in the room ominously. “And I have to confess, I’ve never thought of Lois as the ‘honey’ sort of woman. Besides that, how many times have you broken up this year?”

Clark twitched, and stopped moving. His eyes shuttered open, and Lex gripped the bag tightly at the fear, followed quickly by a tight blankness. “I don’t know what you’re—talking about, Luthor,” Clark said stiltedly, and Lex smacked his hand again.

“Oh, shut the fuck up already.” He hissed. “We’re in some weird ass room, we were pulled through a hole, and now we’re both naked. I’d say that warrants slightly more alarm than the fact that you suck at hiding your ‘secret’ identity, Clark.”

Clark had been growing increasingly horrified as Lex spoke, up until the ‘both naked’ comment, and he’d looked down at himself and grasped at the beanbag, tugging at it desperately for cover, then looked over at Lex and averted his eyes, focusing on the mirror on the wall to their right.

“Mirrored glass?” Clark whispered.

“Probably. Now get us the hell out of here?” Lex said, standing again.

Clark stood, and to Lex’s absolute amazement, blushed red on every part of his skin.

“Right. Fine. Then we’ll discuss this whole—your thinking I’m Clark thing.” He said, moving slowly toward the door, shaking out his shoulders. He motioned for Lex to stand back, and Lex was more than happy to let Clark face whatever the hell was out there first.

Clark wrenched at the door, twisting the panel hard, and…nothing. Not a single thing moved, twisted or broke.

“Um.” Clark said, looking at his hands like they belonged to someone else.

“Let me see that.” Lex hissed, moving next to Clark, his fingers feeling along the smoothness of the door. “I don’t recognize the substance.” He said finally.

“No. Me either.” Clark pounded at the door with his fist, only to fall to his knees wincing on the floor. He panted, “Oh, jeez,” painfully, and then he glanced up again at Lex, only to have…little Lex in his face. Clark averted his eyes quickly.

“So shall we go make faces at the mirror?” Lex queried.

“I think that’s a plan.” Clark agreed, still rubbing at his hand absently. He and Lex stood in front of the mirror for a moment and Lex asked, “Now what?”

“I don’t know. I’m just doing what you’re doing.” Clark muttered, brushing his hair out of his face. Lex shifted on his feet. Taking a cue from how much the door had hurt Clark, Lex slowly raised his hand to the wall. “My name is Lex Luthor, and I’d like to speak to whoever the hell’s in charge here.” No, wait. That sounded like a request, and he generally didn’t do requests. “Now.” He tacked on. There, better.

The door slid open and a voice that seemed to come from behind the mirror panel said mechanically. “Alexander Lut-Or and Kal-El. Please follow the blue lines out of your quarters.”

“Blue lines?” Clark and Lex both eyed the floor, and sure enough, faint blue lines started to glow.

“It beats standing around looking at each other’s dicks.” Clark said finally.

Lex swallowed. “Right.” He walked ahead, not wanting Clark to see how that offhand comment had affected the region in question.

Clark fell into the pace he set at his side and whispered into Lex’s ear. “Luthor. None of my powers are working. Like—heat vision, nothing.” Lex nodded and bit his lip as they proceeded to follow the blue lines along the cool, but not freezing floor. They seemed to have a silent, mutual agreement to not look at the other.

They entered a long, constricted corridor and were promptly shoved into chairs by metallic hands that seemed to come from nowhere.

“Hey!” Lex heard Clark protest, trying to get up, but he was strapped to the chair quite tightly. Lex tried to relax as he attempted to figure out where the chairs had come from.

They were hit with a deluge of warm water, coming from small holes in the sides of the walls. Clark sputtered loudly. Lex swallowed, and managed to keep still even as the metallic hands came back and started spreading something that he desperately hoped was soap all over his body. It wasn’t until the hand moved to soap up his head that he tried to scramble out of the way, only to have the same restraints that had held Clark down appear. He closed his eyes tightly, but the hands were gentle on his head, and then there was a wand in his mouth…it seemed to fulfill the function of a toothbrush.

Clark called out, “Luthor, you still back there?”

Lex thought about freaking him out—and really, that was hilarious, that Clark would be freaked out by Lex *not* being there, but he thought an ally in this place wouldn’t be anything to scoff at, so he answered in the affirmative.

They were greeted around the next corner with soft, fluffy bits of cloth, drying every bit of skin. Lex had figured out that machines must be remotely controlled by now, so he was looking around for anything that might reveal who was pushing the buttons.

The restraints suddenly lifted and Clark leapt from his seat as if burned. Lex rose slowly, taking in his surroundings.

The blue lines disappeared in front of a huge set of mahogany colored doors, and two small devices slid out from underneath the curtains surrounding the windows.

“Hey, these look like roombas!” Clark exclaimed, kneeling down as the metallic thing opened up a panel. Brightly colored robes slid out.

“Thank you.” Clark said, nodding at the device as it swirled back to its position under the curtains.

Lex suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and held out a hand for one of the robes. They tugged them on in contemplative silence. The blue lights were visible again and they led directly to the door.

“After you.” Lex gestured gracefully, eyes darting around for anything that might possibly be used as a weapon.

“Right.” Clark said, his hand grasping at the door, but it simply slid open. By unspoken consent the two of them walked in side by side, only to be greeted by massive applause.

Massive was perhaps an understatement. There were hundreds of people, standing and whistling, stomping their feet and…smacking their faces, their arms. Two women appeared from nowhere at their sides, and Lex felt his mouth gaping like a fish, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to close it. The woman grasping at his arm was eight feet tall, at least, and had hair as long as Lex’s entire body.

The woman half dragging Clark down the narrow path in-between the cheering assembly was even taller and she wore ostentatious brass armbands around her massive biceps. Clark was trying to drag his feet, but it looked a little disgraceful and pointless to Lex so he marched along with his escort calmly, passing Clark with a little wave. Clark’s soon gave up and threw him over her shoulder, running at a light jog to catch up to Lex.

The cheering got even louder.

Lex and Clark reached the bottom of a bright white dais, the entire area littered with highly fascinating plant life. Lex itched to look at a particularly vibrant purple plant that seemed to be winking at him. Clark was dumped in a sprawl on the floor.

“Silence!” A loud, deep voice rang out in the chamber, and the room fell instantly quiet. Lex licked his lip nervously and Clark scrambled to his feet, glaring at his escort.

“You are all blessed to witness the joining of your proconsuls with the selected mates of the third planet from Sol, Terra. Give thanks to the Goddesses.”

Lex’s ears nearly burst with the single, wild scream that came from the populace. Lex looked around wildly and noted for the first time that—Jesus, they were all women.

And did the speaker say ‘mates’?

And how did he even understand any of this anyway? This wasn’t some Star Trek universe where everyone naturally spoke English.

Or. Was it? Maybe when he’d be conked out they’d implanted him with some kind of language translation chip. If he could get back to Earth, the patent would be worth millions…but fuck, yeah. Getting back to Earth from wherever the hell this was. Focus, Lex.

“Alexander Lut-Or. Kal-El of Krypton. You will step forward onto the dais now.”

“The hell I will!” Clark yelled. Lex felt the same way, but he was glad that Clark had been the one delusional enough to say it. Lex saw the escort’s eyes narrow coldly, and he hurried to interject. “And it’s Luthor.” He called out disdainfully.

A woman rose from her seat atop the dais. Lex held his breath. She was extremely tall as well, but absolutely breathtaking. Bright violet eyes, shiny black hair, and breasts to…Lex shook his head.

“Yes, Luthor. Your speaker there, she mispronounced my name. Luthor.” He enunciated again. Clark looked at him like he’d grown a tentacle.

The woman stepped down carefully, and Lex noted that everyone in the room was bowing their heads. So. Someone important then. Another woman came up behind her, whispering into her ear. “Very well, Alexander Luthor. The error is rectified. You will step forward onto the dais now.”

“I’m not inclined to go anywhere without knowing what the hell is going on.” Lex told her conversationally, and he saw Clark inch a little closer.

“You are not in a position to question me.” The woman said slowly, disbelieving.

Lex snorted. “You suck me and him”—Lex shrugged—“through some kind of portal, where we were stripped, led on a merry little maze around the joint, and are now supposed to get up on some dais? Questions are most assuredly in order.”

There was a low murmur through the room but the woman made a violent gesture across her chest and there was instant silence once again. “I am Meline, ruler of Zanat, hearer of the Goddesses, defender of the Great Sea,” the woman babbled off at least six more titles, but all Lex heard was the last statement. “You are to be my consort.”

Lex blinked. “Thank you very much for the offer, but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline.” He said politely.

The violet eyes flashed. “It was not an offer. You will step onto this dais, you will say the sacred vows. And you will pay later for your lack of respect in my own chamber.”

Clark broke out in nervous giggling. “Consort, Luthor. Screwed much?”

“I can’t wait to get my hands on you.” The woman behind Meline purred. At Clark.

Clark looked up, horrified. “Fuck.” He muttered. Lex bit his lip, eyes watering.

“Though I do not know why.” Meline sighed. “At least the shiny one is pretty.”

“Hey!” Clark protested indignantly. “I mean.” Lex arched an eyebrow.

“He means, why are we even here? Why have we…been selected to say your sacred vows?” Lex asked, as calmly as he possibly could.

“This is hardly the time and place for such impertinence.”

“I’d have to disagree.” And hey, maybe Lex felt suicidal today, judging how every set of eyes in the room seemed to narrow on him. But he’d spent years in LexCorp’s board room, and this room of Amazonian type women trying to—make him be this lady’s consort were *nothing*.

Maybe if Lex kept repeating that to himself, he’d start believing it. He inhaled slightly. “The customs on my planet dictate that a marriage must be one of mutual consent.” Well. Most of the time, anyway. He rushed on. “And you can’t honestly expect two people so newly—introduced to your region to marry people they don’t know.”

“No one said anything about marriage.” Meline blinked slowly.

“I—ah.” Right. “Consort then. That’d be another thing. What is the difference?” Maybe Lex was just burying himself in a hole and saving them the trouble.

The room burst out into laughter. Clark had managed to inch sideways so that he was close enough to touch. It was actually reassuring. Of all the times for the bastard to lose his powers, it had to be now, Lex sighed.

Even Meline had dropped her completely serious expression and was clutching the other girl’s arm. “You—a co-ruler of Zanat? A male co-ruler of Zanat?” The room roared again at Meline’s incredulous tone.

“So yours is a matriarchal society?” Clark asked.

“One could say this.” At Clark’s encouraging look, she continued. “I am Gian. You shall be my consort. Let us dispense with such avenues of conversation, undergo the ritual, and we shall converse later.” Gian said dismissively, motioning at the guards who had escorted them in in the first place. Lex and Clark were half-dragged up the dais, to stand next to Gian and Meline.

“I know mine is deformed, but yet his face pleases me.” Gian said, placing her gigantic hand on the top of Clark’s head. Clark looked up, wide-eyed. “We shall have much good sex.” She said, like they were talking about how nice it was when it rained. She patted his hair. Her hand was as big as Clark’s entire head. Lex swallowed.

“Can’t we just—talk?” Such lameness coming from his own mouth was inexcusable, but oh, thank God, it was Clark’s desperate plea.

“You, out of all your species, have been honored with this position. Why is there a need to question your good fortune?”

“I’m the last of my species! That’s hardly a coup. And—and--” Clark’s argument seemed to flounder, so Lex interrupted. “And while we are both extremely honored, we need to know what is entailed in such. Such good—ah, fortune.”

“Oh. Is this all?” Meline asked, laughing heartily. “He is simply nervous!” She called out. “The Goddesses are surely charmed.”

“Surely.” Lex muttered, but Meline continued. “You have been selected to be my consort. You will fulfill your duties for 2.5 standard years, at which point I will tire of you, and you will be recycled.”

“Recycled?” Clark and Lex echoed simultaneously.

“Ritually, naturally. You will be given a grand departing ceremony, and the new consorts will then say the sacred vows.”

“What. What is entailed in this ‘grand departing ceremony’?” Lex was careful not to make air quote motions.

“You visage will be captured for life by the Royal Photographer, and then you will be placed according to how well you please me in the Gardens.” Meline gestured off to the side, and Lex gaped as a light appeared and shone down on dozens of men, frozen in various positions. “Ah, Nash.” Meline murmured, pointing to the first one, who’d been frozen apparently trying to imitate a mime in a box. “You have well-formed hands. You may even surpass dearest Nash.”

“Nash, Nash.” He heard several women murmur appreciatively.

“But enough of this! The ceremony is late, and we should be in the consummation stages right now.”

“We can’t become your consorts!” Clark protested loudly.

“You are mouthy, little one.” Gian said fondly, stroking his hair.

“No, really, he’s right.” Lex joined in. “You see, there’s a good reason.” Good reason. Shit, Lex, come up with a good reason.

Gian made an odd clucking noise with her tongue, and Lex shuddered. Meline clutched both of Lex’s arms, and Lex was afraid he was about to be crushed into the floor.

“Your protestations at first, while negligible, were at least somewhat understandable. You were curious to know of your fate, human. Now you do, and there is no reason for this ceremony not to commence. You are both without mates on your own planet, which was of course factored in. It would have been unfair to separate two people who wish to be together for our own desires.”

“But that—that’s not true!” Clark protested.

“You and Lois are fuckbuddies, not anything serious.” Lex said emphatically. No fucking way was Clark getting out of this when he didn’t see a way to extract himself from the situation. Plus, it wasn’t like it wasn’t true.

Green eyes met his, betrayed, then flared. “No! I’m in love with him! We’re together!”

Lex looked up at Meline quickly. She seemed startled. “Yes! Clark’s the love of my life! He’s the reason I get up every morning.” Meline shook her head slowly. “If I’m not with him, the love of my life, I’ll die!” Lex said, game for trying anything at this point. “It’s unfair to separate two people who want to be together for your own desires.” He repeated hopefully.

Meline and Gian eyed them both. “If the two of you are mates, why were you fighting when we pulled you through the portal?” Lex’s mind raced.

“Love games,” he said.

Lex blinked even as Meline glared doubtfully. “Love games?”

“Yes!” Clark seized the opportunity and shoved at Lex, hard. “Love games!” Lex, catching on, kicked Clark in the thigh and smiled up at Meline.

A low murmur echoed throughout the room, a wave of noise.

Meline made the same hand motion as before. Lex winced at the thought of those hands touching him. She looked like she could do some serious damage, even if she wasn’t meaning to. “I think it is possible the two of you are reluctant to become our consorts.”

Gian gasped. “But…why, my lady?”

“I do not know the answer to this. However, if this is true, if the two of you are truly in love, the sacred laws of the Goddess dictate that we find suitable replacements.”

Lex felt relief pool in the pit of his stomach. But then she continued. “You must satisfy us that this is not in fact a falsehood. You will commence with the mating rituals of your planet.” She said, so simply that it took a moment for Lex’s brain to make the words coalesce.

“Huh?” He asked intelligently.

“We are not barbarians, not here.” She said, misunderstanding. “A room will be provided. We shall observe you visually. If you do not show us that you are mates, the ceremony will go on as planned.”

Lex glared at Clark, but it was rather ineffectual as Clark kept staring at the floor.

“Visually?” He repeated sharply. “But not audibly?” At Meline’s arched eyebrow, and wow, she kind of looked like him when she did that, he gulped. “I’m…shy?” He offered. Her face softened and she repeated curtly: “Visually. A modicum of privacy can be offered.”

***

They were placed into a room entirely different from the one they’d woken up in. Clark was braced against the wall, as far away from the bed a person could get.

“Lex. I think Gian had a tail.” Clark swallowed.

“Mine didn’t.” Lex said smugly.

“Maybe hers was hidden under her dress.” Clark suggested viciously.

“I could deal. I’m pretty adaptable. Besides, like you haven’t seen a tail before.” Lex scoffed.

“It’s usually on things that are trying to destroy Metropolis!” Clark yelled, pausing. “Those are really big, really scary women! I felt like her hand could just—crush my head and she didn’t even know it!”

Lex managed to hide his shiver. “I’m not exactly relishing the idea of the frozen statue parade either.” He murmured.

“I’ve never—I’ve never had sex with a guy before.” Clark said, and he was *pantomiming the action*. Lex’s cock actually seemed to find that interesting.

“I know,” Lex replied calmly.

“Wait. What? There’s no way for you to actually know that!”

“Come on, Clark. You know you’re my favorite project. I know what color pillowcase you have. I know you keep your underwear on the right side of your drawer, and your Pulitzer on the left.”

Clark exhaled and promptly walked over to the bed, bounced on it a couple of times, and fell backward, pulling his arms behind his head.

“Hmm. The change of position helps, certainly, but there remains that little matter of your being still dressed.” Clark turned over and buried his head in the coverlet.

“Go to hell, Lex.” He said, his voice muffled and traumatized. Lex sighed and massaged the back of his neck, casting a look at what he’d bet the whole of LexCorp were cameras, a look that would have melted *normal* cameras.

“Fucking freakish alien planet cameras.” He muttered.

He looked over at Clark’s prone form again, at the legs held so tightly together that the jaws of life would probably have no luck whatsoever in prying them apart. The son of a—Lex grit his teeth. But for once, this wasn’t Clark’s fault and he couldn’t think of a way to make it *be* Clark’s fault.

“Okay. We’re going to hope they haven’t been listening to us. And we’re going to operate under the assumption that they’re just watching. So what I’m going to do is lift up your robe and fuck you.” Lex said levelly.

“Fine, just do it already!” Clark said, and to Lex’s amazement, the voice managed to be petulant.

But it was his first time. It was Clark’s first time, and Lex had always been the competitive sort, and he had the not sudden, but suddenly overwhelming thought that if they had to do this, really, Lex himself couldn’t have set it up better. The room had a curiously sensual sort of ambience, he thought, as he moved over to the wall, wondering how to dim the lights a bit. “Light switch?” He muttered.

The room went pitch black and he heard Clark shift.

“A little light would be helpful.” Lex said into the darkness, and the lights began to slowly spread across the ceiling, brighter and brighter until Lex tried a simple utterance of “Stop,” and most remarkably, they did.

Clark was staring at him, nonplussed from the bed. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I am making this as tolerable as I can.” Lex answered indignantly and realized it was completely the wrong thing to say and what was more, the wrong tone to say it in.

Goddammit. Why couldn’t Clark just—just shut up, open up, let Lex do—do his thing, and with any luck at all they’d be sent home? He sighed and sat down heavily on the bed next to Clark.

“Do you think there’s any lube in here?” Clark asked. Lex laughed under his breath nervously.

“It’s a planet of women, probably. With the occasional ‘consort’ for fun. I wouldn’t go expecting miracles. I’ll try not to hurt you.” Lex promised, the words lodging oddly in his throat.

“Why does it have to be you fucking me? Why can’t I fuck you?” Clark protested.

“You don’t even know how!”

“I put my dick in a hole! It’s not brain surgery!”

“I’m so not going to be your fucking guinea pig.” Lex protested.

“Fine. We have to come up with an equitable way to decide this.”

“I’m sorry Clark, but wouldn’t you know it, we’re fresh out of quarters.”

Clark held out his hand. “Shut up. We’re doing rock, paper, scissors.” Lex stared at the hand, a little worried. Had Clark finally snapped?

“I’m completely serious, Lex. And if you don’t hold out your hand, that means you forfeit.” Lex’s eyes widened and he held out his hand slowly.

“Good.” Clark exhaled. “One, two, three.”

Lex made paper, Clark made rock. “You’re so predictable.” Lex said, somehow weirdly disappointed. Clark groaned. “You suck.”

“Maybe. If you’re lucky.” Lex smirked and swallowed as he saw a bit of movement underneath Clark’s robe.

Interesting. “Okay then.” Lex gingerly pressed one of the panels and much to his surprise and relief, there was an assortment of things that seemed to resemble lubricants. Anything was better than nothing at this point.

“Interesting.” He said aloud, as he took in the assortment of toys and colors. “You know, I might have really liked these people. It’s all in the approach, Clark.”

Clark rolled his eyes.

“So, two things. One—don’t call me Luthor when I make you come. That’d be immensely annoying. Two, try and look like you’re having a really great time. But not too great of a time.” Lex cautioned. At Clark’s wide-eyed blink, Lex clarified. “Well, we don’t want them knowing I’m quite good at this, but we still have to show them that we’re, you know. In love.”

“Right.” Clark nodded firmly. “Because they’re scary. So you’re good, but not sex god good. Got it.”

“And I’m too pretty to be recycled.” Lex grinned and Clark chuckled, low and warm. The two of them shared a silent moment, eyeing the other up.

“So. Um. Am I on my back or my stomach?” Clark asked shakily.

“Hands and knees.” Lex said automatically. “Also, the purple or the green?” He queried, dangling bottles.

“I’m not picky. I guess purple?”

“An excellent choice.” Lex said as Clark lifted up his robe so it pooled around his waist. The contents of the bottle squeezed out around Lex’s hand, startling him.

“Why are you being so good about this, Lu—Lex?” Clark asked, turning around as Lex was pulling his own robe up slowly.

“I figure I’ll go back to trying to destroy you when we get home.” Lex answered, distracted. He…wasn’t hard. Well. He was half hard, but it’d probably look really weird if he were to start jacking himself off in front of the cameras, right?

“Clark, we’re going to have to go for a little foreplay here.”

“You can’t just--?” Clark *pantomimed* again.

“Apparently not today.” Lex said, feeling distinctly betrayed by an organ that hadn’t quite let him down like this before.

“Oh! Oh! Okay.” Clark got it, finally, getting off his knees and laying back, the robe still bunched around his waist. “I. Come here, lover?” He tried, but the words just made Lex laugh as he slid closer to Clark, crawling over him so that his thighs were on either side.

“I’m going to kiss you.” Lex told him, hoping that if Clark knew what to expect, this would all proceed as well as it possibly could.

“Sure. What the hell. This day can’t get any more surreal.” Clark started, but Lex had already inserted his tongue into his mouth, and was pulling at Clark’s soft hair. This was…surprisingly nice, Lex thought, and Clark seemed to understand showmanship as he wrapped a big palm around Lex’s neck, moving his legs so they were surrounding Lex’s like a vise.

And…some interest. About goddamn time, Lex thought, as he ran his fingers across Clark’s face, and moved his left hand up along Clark’s thigh.

“Do you care if I take this off?” Lex asked, thumbing Clark’s robe. Clark shook his head. It was Lex’s turn to be unnerved by how easily Clark was taking this in stride. “Why are *you* being so okay with this?” He turned the question back on Clark.

“Lesser of two evils?” Clark tried, even as he raised his arms obligingly to allow Lex access.

“Try again.”

“Why is it that every time you *have* me, Lex, you have me cold, you could destroy me, that you just—you let me go?” Clark asked unexpectedly, his eyes completely serious and watchful. Lex felt itchy under the regard.

“I don’t ‘let’ you go.” Lex pointed out. “My plans simply choose that time to blow up in my own face, most inconveniently.”

Clark sighed. “Yeah. I knew it had to be something like that. I guess.”

“I’m your mortal enemy. You shouldn’t be--” And fuck, now Lex was gesturing at Clark’s very aroused cock.

“You tried to kill me a few times, but I’m not dead.” At Lex’s shit-eating grin, Clark sighed. “That didn’t come out right.” Clark blushed. “And like the woman said. You’re shiny.” He teased. Lex sat back, eyeing him thoughtfully. “Plus. I mean. It’s a choice between women who will wind up ‘recycling’ us, with really…possibly incredibly painful sex, 2.5 cycles of it, and you for a few minutes right now. It’s not the most difficult decision I’ve ever made.”

Lex bit on his tongue and closed his eyes for a moment. “Of course. Well. Let’s just get this show on the road, right?” And with that he proceeded to lick a trail down Clark’s neck, along his jugular, fingers nimbly twisting his nipples even as he rubbed his thigh along Clark’s leg. Clark groaned beneath him, hands flying out to his sides. Much to Lex’s surprise, Clark seemed to get into it fairly quickly. Clark pulled Lex to him, kissing him on corner of his lips.

“You have really nice skin. Can I lick it?” Clark told him, whispering. Lex looked up, nonplussed.

“Oh. I didn’t realize I’d said that aloud.” Clark said, looking very much like he was wishing another portal would open up in the middle of the room just about now. Lex bent in closer, inclining his neck, his shoulder near Clark’s mouth. He could feel Clark swallow, could feel the breath against his cheek, and then there it was—a light, tentative swipe of Clark’s tongue underneath his chin. Lex closed his eyes again, moving closer. They stayed like that for a few moments, Clark’s tongue painting patterns, his hands dancing around Lex’s skin while Lex reciprocated, until Clark finally whispered. “I think you’re good to go now, Lex.”

Lex opened his eyes and Clark smiled up at him hesitantly. “I mean. If you’re ready.”

“Yes.” Lex exhaled, crawling to one side of the bed to give Clark a little room to get into position. Clark rolled over and was on his knees before him, and Lex didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful in the whole of his life. Lex shifted so he could grab the lube. He squirted and rubbed it along his fingers, weaving back around Clark.

One finger in, slowly, and Lex felt Clark adjust. Two fingers after a couple of moments, and Clark shifted in place, still saying nothing. Three fingers, and Lex tried not to revel in hearing the hitch of breath, and tried to pretend he didn’t hear Clark mumble his name. With the other hand, Lex squeezed the lube into his palm. Lex pulled out swiftly and Clark hissed into the mattress. Lex warmed it quickly in his hands and slicked his own cock. “I think condoms are rather the least of our worries right this moment.” He muttered, positioning himself. “So. Remember. Excited, not too excited. But still. You’re happy I’m fucking you, good times, and etcetera.” And wow, had Lex ever babbled quite like this during sex before?

“Oh, God, shut UP!” Clark screamed as Lex slid inside, only halfway as Clark bucked against him. Lex froze, waiting for Clark to adjust to the feel.

“You okay?”

“Gnnh.” Clark gurgled.

“No, seriously. You okay?” Lex grunted, unable to prevent moving in, just another half inch. So tight, so…surreal, like Clark had said.

“Yeah. That’s. Yes.” Clark started pushing backwards, just as Lex had started to shift in more, and the combined efforts left Lex buried to the hilt. Clark moved first, setting the rhythm, and Lex was quite happy to go along with it, inhaling as Clark exhaled, their sounds echoing in the room, the lights catching so often on the sweat of Clark’s bare back, and Lex felt dizzy and warm all over until he finally came with a breathless, short scream of Clark’s name. He lay his head on Clark’s stomach after he’d rolled over, and placed his palm flat on the huge biceps. God.

“Oh.” Clark whispered, and Lex watched enamored as fine tremors ran down Clark’s arms. “It’s just. Never. Never did this before without my abilities.” Clark winced and Lex looked up, concerned. “It’s amazing.” Lex nodded into Clark’s chest.

The door slid open, and Lex felt a good strong burst of adrenaline, so he tugged on his amazingly unwrinkled robe and stood, feeling only slightly better now having risen to what had just a few hours before been a respectable height.

“You would have point of honor, taking Nash’s place.” Meline said, biting her full lip. “I feel quite certain of this.”

“He’s going to have to say no.” Clark said politely, but taking hold of Lex’s shoulders possessively. “As am I.” He nodded over at Gian. The two women looked at one another for a moment and Meline pulled out a small black ring.

“As the Goddess wills it then.” She sighed, depressing the button.

***

Lex fell through the portal first, smashing hard into the wood table. He rolled off it, and all but bounced off the floor. Clark fell a mere second after, but the table collapsed underneath him.

The wide eyed stares of Lex’s entire LexCorp board greeted him. “Sir!” Mercy rushed forward and much to Lex’s surprise and horror nearly moved to hug him. She caught herself mid motion and instead pulled out a gun and raised it at a very, very naked Clark Kent.

“Superman.” She said coldly. There. That was much better.

No, wait, it—really, really wasn’t. Lex got up, ignoring the searing pain in his back, and placed his hand on Mercy’s arm.

“Superman and I have had an afternoon. It’s quite fine if he leaves.” He said, starting to head out of the room. To the rest of his board, he called over his shoulder, “If you will all excuse me, I need to get changed. And if no one has had the brainwave to do so yet, please call someone to fix my damn roof.”

“Superman?” He asked, but of course, Clark had already left. Lex sighed, hearing Mercy behind him.

“Sir?” She asked hesitantly.

“Later. For now, a shower and a change of attire are in order.” He ignored the stares of his employees at his vibrant satiny robe and progressed down the hallways, nodding at people regally.

***

Mercy and Lex stared at the elevator buttons in silence. He caught her looking at him, and when she noticed he was watching her, she jerked her head away and folded her hands behind her back. She’d murmured in the hallway at LexCorp that since the penthouse didn’t exactly have a roof any longer, she’d made a few phone calls and secured a hotel suite in anticipation of his return. He smiled at her, and that seemed to freak her out so much that she stopped talking altogether.

He hummed his way into the hotel room, stripping as he went. The shower was cavernous and inviting, and that was all he cared about at this point, twisting the nozzles on.

He saw a blur of movement out of the corner of his eye and Lex grabbed the…shit, the plunger.

“Good instincts there.” Superman chuckled.

“A plunger’s better than nothing, I suppose.” Lex said, dropping his arm.

“Agreed.”

Lex licked his lip, just slightly, but Superman made a little choking sound.

“Lex--”

“Clark--” Lex started, and they both stilled.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever called me by my name wearing that suit.” Lex said thoughtfully.

“Maybe not the last though?”

“Perhaps.” Lex stared.

They stared at one another for a long moment, Lex clutching the plunger until he noticed Clark’s eyes rather twinkling in the general direction of his arm, and released it with a soft rubbery plop on the floor.

“This is so bizarre,” Lex started, just as Clark said:

“Could I. I mean. Would you want me to join you for an actual shower?” Clark asked carefully, stumbling on the words. He rushed on: “Or do you think that should have been more of a one time thing brought on by extenuating circumstances.”

Extenuating circumstances.

Extenuating circumstances was definitely one way of putting it, sure. But—no. Lex had started thinking in the limo ride to the hotel that there might be pluses that could come out of getting sucked into a portal to another world and nearly being made a consort to a woman with a possible tail.

Maybe sometimes it took extraordinary things to get destiny back on track.

“After you.” He gestured, holding open the curtain. A slow smile spread across Clark’s face. He shed his costume and was in the shower before Lex completed his blink.

He stepped in and closed the curtain around them, deciding to show Clark that restraints in a shower could work out well. He pushed Clark against the tiles, grinning, gripping his wrists tightly, and mouthed at his throat. Lex was usually pretty damn good at games, and maybe this time around, he’d do well with the love game too.